Everything in Amherst is Grand!

Sister Tait!

I cannot tell you how much love I am filled with! I just read a letter from everyone in the family and I feel as if I am home talking to you guys. I was on the verge of tears, but had a broad smile while reading Babushka’s email! I just cannot believe how she is growing up. I did tear up when she talked about saying a prayer to Heavenly Father in her heart. I would not have done that when I was 11. Babushka is such an example to me! I will write her back and tell her personally! Annie got her license? I cannot even fathom the thought that my little sister, who chased me around with a baseball bat at the age of four, is now behind a mechanical machine cruising the streets of Las Vegas. And that is wild she got the same driving inspector as Hillary did! Speaking of Hillary - Hillary Jane is the poster child of what the kids call these days a “groovy cat”. I am going to come home and she is going to have her own art museum, and then it will be so big it will become a city.

Everything in Amherst is grand! Weather is great and so are the people! They are sometimes confused as to what Elder Campbell and I do. We walked past a high school and the softball girls shouted “Are you guys Jehovah’s Witness’s?”  I replied back “No, we are Mormons!” Yes, and when we go to the soup kitchen, many people are confused as to what we do. Some of the comments they make are better not shared, but they are still wonderful people! Our bathroom is completely clean of mold! (I think) And now we have a fan in our bathroom. At least we have a roof over our heads!

Anyways, Elder Campbell and I watched General Conference at the church building. It was absolutely brilliant. It’s remarkable the modern revelation we can receive from our prophet and apostles. This past week has been challenging. General Conference was the aid I needed for my spiritual well being. I needed all of General Conference. If this means anything to you I took 10½ pages of notes on all five sessions. I needed everything. I am going to re-listen to the talks over and over. If I had time I would specifically tell you the ones I especially loved, but one message of truth that stood out to me, and that will never be outdated, is that the adversary wants us to define ourselves by our sins, but we need to define ourselves by our divine potential. I was blown away. I have slowly started losing my enthusiasm and outgoing attitude as I’ve allowed the words of people to affect me. There are some really brutal people out here. I know the main reason for this is my lack of faith. I need to rely on my Father in Heaven. I need to walk side by side with Christ. I have truly realized that the adversary is real. He is real, and I’ve felt scared. I know He has been working on me because he knows I have a work to do here.  I know he acknowledges this and will always be working on me. When I came to this realization, I was scared. I was scared that I would lose. I was scared that I was not strong enough. I asked myself, why? Why am I thinking this? It is because I have a lack of faith. I recognized this and realized it is time to suit up. I need to believe before I know. You know how Elder Hanberg sent you that side note about me in his letter? "Quick side note here - in your e-mails to him remind him that our Savior taught by using parables and a few analogies here and there, so don't be afraid to teach by the spirit." That is what I needed to hear, Mother. I am very disappointed in myself. I have been scared to share the gospel. The moment I came to this realization I was flabbergasted with myself, because I know that is not who I am. In a sacred moment of prayer I saw what I could become as a missionary and that is not who I am right now. I have been scared because I have allowed the adversary and the thoughts and philosophies of man to seep into my head and attack my testimony. However, I have a testimony that is much stronger than any word of man I know. I have a testimony that defines me for who I am. I know that this is the true church. I know I have a great work that needs to be done here. I know that the future is bright. I know that we have a Father in Heaven. I know that if I bear my testimony with a fully sincere heart, miracles can be brought forth. I know that bearing this testimony will bring greater faith and obedience. Mother, Father, Sisters, Family, and Friends - I know. Please don’t waste time – if you don’t know, get to know yourselves. If you truly know then you will share that knowledge. I will be bolder. I will share the gospel with no fear. I will share it with faith.

I have realized I have not been exactly obedient. If none of us were obedient to the commandments of Heavenly Father, who would be able to bear a heartfelt testimony and change the hearts of men and women in this world? I understand the work of the Lord cannot be done in its full capacity if we as missionaries - representatives of Jesus Christ – are not being obedient.

I was able to come to another conclusion that truly humbled me - I am worrying too much about my own concerns. I need to be worried about the feeling I leave with people -outside and inside the church. I was able to come to this amazing conclusion and I will need to try my hardest to work on this. It does not matter whatsoever if people remember me as a missionary or the name on my tag. All that matters is that the people of this area who I come in contact with remember the feeling of love – a love that Heavenly Father has for them individually as his children.

I have 2 years to serve here and the rest of my life to think about it. The work that will be done today will not be able to be changed tomorrow, but like John Longden, my great grandfather, I know “Truth or principle does not change; today, if we desire the blessing of God, we must be obedient – obedient to conscience, to conviction of right, to divine authority, and to God, in whom we trust.” The words of our living prophet will never change. We need to choose right now if we will live the gospel with exact obedience, which will bless our lives and the lives of multiple others. Our testimonies will always be changing. The question is, will we keep our testimonies to ourselves or manifest to others that this is the true church. The time to make that decision is now.

Elder Tait